I throughout my life have been struggling with self hatred.
Any over weight person out there will understand what I am saying. Being fat doesn’t just make you unhealthy but leaves you hating yourself more and more everyday. You start isolating yourself.
I was an overweight child and at that age the children around you aren’t old enough to understand what it feels like when they shout out fatso on top of their voice. You cry and cry in a corner. But you say you are strong and fake a smile and make it seem like everything is alright but your heart knows its not. When your mom asks you is everything alright and you breakdown. You don’t want to go to school. You don’t want to go shopping. You cry in the trial rooms because you are a child but have to wear adult clothes. You shy away from wearing shorts. You shy away from talking to people, making friends because you think all they will see is the fat and not the real you.
But wait. You lost yourself in the journey itself. You now hate yourself. The thoughts inside you don’t reflect the other person’s thought about you but your own! You lost your confidence, your carefree nature, your love for yourself!
All you see you see yourself as is a fat ball.
Now you have to find yourself! Accept who you are and appreciate that.
I had lost myself in the rush of life.
I didn’t have very many friends. I didn’t have a person I could cry my heart out to. I was fat!
I thought me being fat was the reason everyone left me. But I was wrong! The only reason people left me was that I hated myself. All I did was rant!
I hated everyone around me because I hated myself!
But then I had enough of it.
I was no more gonna cry myself to sleep.
I was no more gonna cry for the guy who doesn’t even care.
I was no more gonna cry sor the guy in class that made me feel bad about me.
I was no more gonna cry for the friends that betrayed.
I was no more gonna cry for ths girls who bitched about my weight.
I was no more gonna hate me!!
I just did 2 things which actually boasted my confidence, my love for myself.
(P.S they are weird but you have to try this if you are struggling with self acceptance)
- Stand stark naked in front of the mirror. Stare.
The first few weeks you might not like what you see. you would hate yourself but still do it everyday. You reach a point when you actually start appreciating yourself. You start loving your curves, the flaws, the way your body is crafted. Each flaw, each curve, each mark is a part of you, appreciate it and love yourself. Love the way you are, because if you don’t love the body you are in, you wouldn’t be able to craft it the way you want. may it be gaining muscle or losing weight.
- Dance and sing like no ones watching.
I actually mean it!
Lock yourself in a room, turn the music on and start rolling!
I like it when the lights are turned off, in the dark.
Dance to any song, just any! Sing on top of your lungs!
It is a party with your body, soul and mind. They are connecting to one another. Admiring each other and falling in love.
Just sway away!!
You are unique, there is no one out there like you. You are you!
I do! I love myself, though I always would have a regret of not falling in love with myself before. I mean hating yourself is such a painful feeling while loving yourself is the best feeling ever. I regret the time wasted in self hatred.
If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love any one.
You have to accept yourself before wanting to be accepted.
Thank You 🙂